Here and Now

As you may, or may not know, I'm shipping out to the Peace Corps.  When? I couldn't tell you.  Where? Who knows.  But I can reassure you it will happen. 

I did have a minor set back today, and realized I was way more invested in this program then I previously thought.  I came to this small epiphany as tears were blurring my eyes at the prospect of being in Seattle longer than I previously thought.  

I had to stop myself and ask why this was happening.  I love Seattle.  Anyone who has ever talked to me knows this to be true.  I'm entering into my seventh year in this great city, and still am awed every time I see the Seattle skyline.  Like a ritual, I always comment on how amazing it is that I live here, in the Emerald City of Seattle.  

Also, I love my friends here.  The great saying goes "it is not what you are doing, but rather who you are doing it with."  That statement couldn't be more true in my life.  I'm a firm believer in making investments in the people around me.  In fact, just the other day I become very sad at the prospect of leaving my friends behind as I head to the Peace Corps. 

So why? Why the long face when it came to this particular piece of news? 

The heart of the matter is, that ever since I first made the decision to join the PC, I put my life on hold.  No longer was I doing the things I loved, and investing in the people around me.  Instead I pushed the pause button on my life and was waiting.  Waiting for something more, something different, something fresh and exciting.  I forgot to live in the here and now.

The main thing that draws me to the PC is the opportunity to just be.  To have no choice but to be completely invested and immersed in a new culture and community.  And it is in the just being that I know I will grow and broaden my prospective on life.  I want to take a page out of someone else's book, and continue to sharpen and expand the my thoughts and emotions I already have.  

I've always loved traveling for that feeling of being completely in the moment.  That is one of the things that draws me, time and time again, to see the world.  Because when I'm traveling, it's just about that moment, nothing else matters.  

So why can't I do that now? Why, can't I, while I feel my life is still in limbo, start the process of being fully in the here and now.  I don't have to start that when I leave.  Change happens now.  So this is my proclamation that now, yes right now, I'm to be.  Here and now.